Do you remember Robert Ficano? He’s the quiet county executive. He’s not as quotable as Oakland’s L. Brooks Patterson. He’s not as young as Macomb’s Mark Hackel. But Ficano is in charge of Wayne County, which includes Detroit.

Ficano has proposed a plan to buy back guns in order to reduce violence in his county -- primarily in the Grosse Pointes. Or maybe it’s Detroit that’s he concerned about.

The Detroit law firm of Goodman Acker is part of the buyback program. You’ve probably seen their television ads – their spokesman is William Shatner. That tells me Detroit is also willing to buy back all space guns. Set your phasers on stun.

Hopefully the buyback program will result in the returned guns being destroyed. It’s kind of like President Obama’s Cash for Clunkers program, where people’s old cars were bought and destroyed. The idea was that those people would then buy more fuel-efficient cars. The problem with Ficano’s gun buyback program is that the people returning guns are the law-abiding type. But at least there will be fewer guns for criminals to steal from law-abiding gun owners.

This week, Detroit Mayor Dave Bing had the opportunity to give the shortest-ever State of the City address, and everyone would’ve understood. Bing could’ve stepped up to the podium and simply said, “Hey, it’s Detroit. Period.” The city is broke and all the money from Mike Ilitch and Dan Gilbert won’t solve the problem. The city’s infrastructure is too spread out and unsustainable. There are too many residents who can’t work or don’t want to – y’know, like the Upper Peninsula. But Bing put on his best face and said he won’t give up the fight, even though hanging over his head is the Sword of Damocles (in this case, emergency managers making cuts with, naturally, swords). Bing doesn’t have many friends. Some city residents feel he hasn’t done enough. The city’s unions feel betrayed. Maybe the Detroit Pistons could find another job for Bing, one of the team’s best players ever. Actually, the Detroit Pistons aren’t doing too well right now. The best thing about the Pistons might be that they are no longer located in Detroit.

First we had O.J. Simpson and a glove that didn’t fit so they had to acquit.

Now we have Kwame Kilpatrick stashing cash in shoes of different hues.

Well, I’m assuming he has different colored shoes. The ex-mayor of Detroit was famous for wearing an endless supply of expensive suits. Surely he has shoes to match -- maybe fewer shoes than Imelda Marcos, but more than me. Testimony at Kilpatrick’s federal trial shows that Kilpatrick had a habit of keeping money in his shoes. Not while he was wearing them, mind you, but while the shoes were stored at home.

Internal Revenue Service agent Ron Sauer testified about the possibility of Kilpatrick stashing a significant amount of money inside those shoes. “Depending on how big the shoe is,” Sauer said, amazingly, with a straight face.

Detroiters must hate it when suburbanites come visiting and screw up their idyllic city. The latest such example is a shooting between passengers of the riverboat, the Detroit Princess. First off, a riverboat? What is this, Mississippi? But that’s beside the point. Last month,  Michael A. Thomas, 32, and his wife, Latoiya Mitchell-Thomas, 28, both of Roseville, got involved in a shooting with LaDon Richard, 46, of Detroit. No one was killed, but the charges are serious. Prosecutors say Thomas and Mitchell-Thomas were driving away after the boat docked and she fired into a crowd of people. Richard fired back and struck Thomas. It just steams my clams that people from the mean streets of Roseville feel compelled to take their raucous lifestyles down into a simple, peace-loving city like Detroit. But, as Mark Twain said, “Be good, and you will be lonesome in Roseville.”

Sachse Construction is the latest suburban company to announce a move to downtown Detroit.

I think it’s wonderful when businesses move to Detroit. In the urban utopia that exists inside my head, most businesses would locate in the city center, surrounded by a housing belt, which in turn is surrounded by a gigantic greenbelt. If you want to throw in a Bible belt, go ahead. Knock yourself out.

But every time a suburban company moves downtown my first reaction is: How do those employees feel? Chances are most of those companies’ employees live in the suburbs and now must commute downtown. The price of gas and lack of mass transit makes the trip a bit undesirable. Yes, a SMART bus is technically a form of mass transit, but it’s the lowest, stickiest form.

Sachse does contract work for Quicken Loans, which has paved the way for companies setting up shop downtown. CompuServe is another one. A really huge company like the Ford Motor Co. has kept its headquarters out in Dearborn. But the Ford family did move one of their smaller businesses back downtown -- the lowly Detroit Lions. And, yes, until the Lions win a playoff game I will call them lowly.

Get this --  22,504 properties are going up for auction next month in Wayne County because of nonpayment of taxes. That’s a record, says the county treasurer.

Most of those foreclosures -- 20,040, are in Detroit.

It’s mind-bending. The city is so huge and sprawling that it’s easy to forget about the neighborhood decay when you’re watching a football game at Ford Field or eating dinner at the Renaissance Center. Last Friday, I took in the free Rockin’ the Riverfront concert on the  Detroit River. It was beautiful. The bands, The Tubes and The Sweet, rocked the house, even though there was no house – just the sky. My highlight was standing up front and taking photos of the band alongside WCSX radio’s legendary Doug Podell. A few blocks away, thousands of fans took in the Detroit Lions’ first exhibition game of the season. Later, I ended up at the Magic Stick on Woodward listening to some band from Chicago. I didn’t catch their name. Who cares, they were good.

Detroit can be an exciting town, full of wonderful people. But the truth is: Many of those people can’t pay their taxes. And residents must be consolidated geographically. Nobody likes to tell an 80-year-old woman she has to move, but if she lives in the only occupied house on a street........

Do you remember Robert Ficano? He’s the quiet county executive. He’s not as quotable as Oakland’s L. Brooks Patterson. He’s not as young as Macomb’s Mark Hackel. But Ficano is in charge of Wayne County, which includes Detroit.

Ficano has proposed a plan to buy back guns in order to reduce violence in his county -- primarily in the Grosse Pointes. Or maybe it’s Detroit that’s he concerned about.

The Detroit law firm of Goodman Acker is part of the buyback program. You’ve probably seen their television ads – their spokesman is William Shatner. That tells me Detroit is also willing to buy back all space guns. Set your phasers on stun.

Hopefully the buyback program will result in the returned guns being destroyed. It’s kind of like President Obama’s Cash for Clunkers program, where people’s old cars were bought and destroyed. The idea was that those people would then buy more fuel-efficient cars. The problem with Ficano’s gun buyback program is that the people returning guns are the law-abiding type. But at least there will be fewer guns for criminals to steal from law-abiding gun owners.

This week, Detroit Mayor Dave Bing had the opportunity to give the shortest-ever State of the City address, and everyone would’ve understood. Bing could’ve stepped up to the podium and simply said, “Hey, it’s Detroit. Period.” The city is broke and all the money from Mike Ilitch and Dan Gilbert won’t solve the problem. The city’s infrastructure is too spread out and unsustainable. There are too many residents who can’t work or don’t want to – y’know, like the Upper Peninsula. But Bing put on his best face and said he won’t give up the fight, even though hanging over his head is the Sword of Damocles (in this case, emergency managers making cuts with, naturally, swords). Bing doesn’t have many friends. Some city residents feel he hasn’t done enough. The city’s unions feel betrayed. Maybe the Detroit Pistons could find another job for Bing, one of the team’s best players ever. Actually, the Detroit Pistons aren’t doing too well right now. The best thing about the Pistons might be that they are no longer located in Detroit.

First we had O.J. Simpson and a glove that didn’t fit so they had to acquit.

Now we have Kwame Kilpatrick stashing cash in shoes of different hues.

Well, I’m assuming he has different colored shoes. The ex-mayor of Detroit was famous for wearing an endless supply of expensive suits. Surely he has shoes to match -- maybe fewer shoes than Imelda Marcos, but more than me. Testimony at Kilpatrick’s federal trial shows that Kilpatrick had a habit of keeping money in his shoes. Not while he was wearing them, mind you, but while the shoes were stored at home.

Internal Revenue Service agent Ron Sauer testified about the possibility of Kilpatrick stashing a significant amount of money inside those shoes. “Depending on how big the shoe is,” Sauer said, amazingly, with a straight face.

Detroiters must hate it when suburbanites come visiting and screw up their idyllic city. The latest such example is a shooting between passengers of the riverboat, the Detroit Princess. First off, a riverboat? What is this, Mississippi? But that’s beside the point. Last month,  Michael A. Thomas, 32, and his wife, Latoiya Mitchell-Thomas, 28, both of Roseville, got involved in a shooting with LaDon Richard, 46, of Detroit. No one was killed, but the charges are serious. Prosecutors say Thomas and Mitchell-Thomas were driving away after the boat docked and she fired into a crowd of people. Richard fired back and struck Thomas. It just steams my clams that people from the mean streets of Roseville feel compelled to take their raucous lifestyles down into a simple, peace-loving city like Detroit. But, as Mark Twain said, “Be good, and you will be lonesome in Roseville.”

Sachse Construction is the latest suburban company to announce a move to downtown Detroit.

I think it’s wonderful when businesses move to Detroit. In the urban utopia that exists inside my head, most businesses would locate in the city center, surrounded by a housing belt, which in turn is surrounded by a gigantic greenbelt. If you want to throw in a Bible belt, go ahead. Knock yourself out.

But every time a suburban company moves downtown my first reaction is: How do those employees feel? Chances are most of those companies’ employees live in the suburbs and now must commute downtown. The price of gas and lack of mass transit makes the trip a bit undesirable. Yes, a SMART bus is technically a form of mass transit, but it’s the lowest, stickiest form.

Sachse does contract work for Quicken Loans, which has paved the way for companies setting up shop downtown. CompuServe is another one. A really huge company like the Ford Motor Co. has kept its headquarters out in Dearborn. But the Ford family did move one of their smaller businesses back downtown -- the lowly Detroit Lions. And, yes, until the Lions win a playoff game I will call them lowly.

Get this --  22,504 properties are going up for auction next month in Wayne County because of nonpayment of taxes. That’s a record, says the county treasurer.

Most of those foreclosures -- 20,040, are in Detroit.

It’s mind-bending. The city is so huge and sprawling that it’s easy to forget about the neighborhood decay when you’re watching a football game at Ford Field or eating dinner at the Renaissance Center. Last Friday, I took in the free Rockin’ the Riverfront concert on the  Detroit River. It was beautiful. The bands, The Tubes and The Sweet, rocked the house, even though there was no house – just the sky. My highlight was standing up front and taking photos of the band alongside WCSX radio’s legendary Doug Podell. A few blocks away, thousands of fans took in the Detroit Lions’ first exhibition game of the season. Later, I ended up at the Magic Stick on Woodward listening to some band from Chicago. I didn’t catch their name. Who cares, they were good.

Detroit can be an exciting town, full of wonderful people. But the truth is: Many of those people can’t pay their taxes. And residents must be consolidated geographically. Nobody likes to tell an 80-year-old woman she has to move, but if she lives in the only occupied house on a street........